last day in the morning sun
when something dies….it is gone. really, truly….poof, vanish gone. i recognize this is not a profound statement, that i sound elementary at best, but as i sit here and spend the last few hours in the presence of a little soul that has given me nothing but joy and smiles for the last 8 years…elementary is, i am afraid, all i can muster. but perhaps it is precisely because that statement is so simple, that it is so profound. there will never again be another cat that let’s me chase him around the yard, hopping sideways with ole cat spunk, in precisely the same way como does. there will never be another cat that let’s mr c hold him high above his head and give him forhead love bumps without moving a paw. just like i know the movements and motions of my parents almost as well as they do and just as i recognize the complexities and characteristics of mr c that set him apart from every other man on the planet….so have i have come to know the little nuances and tail flips of this guy. sure…he’s just a feline to some but he’s a gentle spirit and he will be missed.
what would death be without the introspection, the contemplation, the laborious comparisons and the angst….well, here it comes. death… f-ing sucks. there is just no way around it…on one hand, the body failing is as hauntingly raw and powerful as the mysterious and glorious way it works perfectly is on the other. it is also terrifying in it’s indiscretion and randomness. one day you’re healthy and the next day you’re not. so why does it take a shock for us to realize what we have? …to speak more kindly, to love more fiercely, to let the insignificant slide, to appreciate goodness….? perhaps that is the redeeming side to death….it brings us closer to life.
in an hour, i will wield the power over a life. i will say die. i will say, you will be “better off”….i definitely don’t have a god complex because this feels bad….but perhaps some good can come of it. perhaps as como passes and moves on to greener kitty pastures i can take with me some of his always sweet, always loving and always unconditional goodness…i can remember that yard chasing days are numbered and i can more fully appreciate what’s here in front of me now.
au revoir como
love ~ m