relationship wednesday: love eat pray


last night i went to see eat, pray, love…solo. kind of fitting, no? i’d read the book ages ago and found eg’s frank portrayal of her journey fascinating and enviable. and the enviable, i believe, is her hook..how many of us who read the book or subsequently watched the movie have not, at one time or another, longed to travel where we wished, eat what we wanted, prayed when we could and loved as we should.

as we should….and this is the million dollar question. how in fact, should we love?

but perhaps, we are asking the wrong question. as liz’s character finds out…there are many “shoulds”, but it’s the shouldn’t that is seminal…
you shouldn’t lose yourself in the process.

screeeeeech. ummm, what?


i don’t know about you, but when mr. c and i fell…. we fell hard. it was impossible not to lose myself, where he ended, i began. he was the yin to my yang. he was my sunlight and air. when he walked out the door each day i conjured up a million different tragic, ills that could befall him and the million endless, tortured hours i’d suffer in agony without his presence. it was all so gloriously….intense. and in that intensity, some of myself fell by the wayside….i didn’t write as much, i didn’t practice yoga as much, I didn’t see my friends and family as much…i only wanted to wrap myself up in this love and cocoon myself against the world. now this is all well and good (albeit annoying to said friends and family)and even to be expected….but at some point one must emerge from the love cocoon and become one’s own butterfly or remain a quite shriveled caterpillar of one’s former self.
the big question so many seem to struggle with is…..how?

liz says to her man at some point in the movie, that if she continued on that path (i.e. rabbit sex and avoidance of the real world and all hobbies) , she would end up looking nothing like the women he fell in love with. and she is right….so today, almost 6 months into being a mrs, i am wading through how to continue developing my individual self. my “ms.-ness”,,,and how i do so in the context of this marriage. my hope is that with my work and this beautiful, amazing love on top of it all….that at some point down the road…
i’ll emerge a big, beautiful and most importantly…one hell of a balanced….

xoxoxo ~ m

1 comment:

kerwin said...

Hey Melanie, great post. After almost 4 years of marriage I have struggled with this as well. Rick and I started our marriage doing everything together. We signed up for triathlons, so we trained together on a regular basis. It was great...until he decided he didn't want to do races any more. I had to choose between spending relaxing down time with him or hitting the streets and training by myself, and it was horrible. I started hating every second of exercising (which had previously been a great source of joy). But I also found myself resenting him when I wasn't training, so really I was miserable on all fronts.

After about a month of self-loathing I realized that I couldn't allow my husband's wants to affect my needs (primarily the need to fit into my jeans) and I aired up the tires and hit the road. It's been great and I actually have learned to enjoy the alone time that I once coveted during my single days. It's a balancing act for sure and I know you handle it wonderfully! ~kaly