this weeks far flung friday has been interrupted to bring you, this....

so last fridays post never posted. 
and upon reflection, i am tempted to believe that maybe that happened for a reason....
but, here it is anyway....for better and worse.

this has been me the last few weeks…trapped in a restless state of limbo.

hummm, except i suppose by choosing this image i am making limbo seem glamorous….seeing as this woman is trapped in a streak-free bubble, floating down the seine, looking quite pensive yet put together in a 50’s ish way and all.

in fact, there is nothing glamorous what-so-ever about limbo….so perhaps this is a more accurate representation of my aforementioned mental state.

yep, that's it.

it has been some 18 months since i received a proper paycheck and while i am all about hard work…there is something about hard, corporate work for free that is just de-motivating and de-moralizing.  if i am going to work for the man, sell my soul and contribute very little to the betterment of the human race...i think compensation, only fair.  top this off with the fact that the thing we are working on is something most people don’t think we can pull off, that my “colleague” consists of one mr. franklin....
 (making water cooler chat some-what limited)

mr f

and that mr c thinks i should get an additional job when the one i already have and don’t get paid for wears me out…. and well…

why so bummed right now??
if i am brutally honest with myself i am in mental limbo land because
…i’m not making any money.
there, i said it.

and not making money means i am not “contributing” and therefore am dependent.
and being dependent at 34....
not for any other reason than i was raised to be self-sufficient and right now, i’m not.

so what does it say about us as a people that we live in a society where our sense of who we are is so closely tied to the money we make, NOT the job we do, that without the salary, we lose a sense of self? more pointedly, what does it say about me that although i have other interests and other passions, that although i think i am a relatively decent person who saves feral kittens and isn’t terrible in the kitchen, and that i am actually working hard…none of those things keep the scale from tipping towards self pity?
(* those of you reading this who have civic oriented professions where you positively impact the moral development of the population on a daily basis, aren't concerned with salaries and somehow missed being sucked into this narcissistic, capitalistic mentality…bless you) .
for the rest of us out there…???

so what’s a girl to do?? firstly, i am going to absorb the following

and then i am going to go into our big meeting next week and kick some serious arse.


1 comment:

Sabina said...

This is an amazing and creative blog!! Love it!