lemons

or in this case, a month

lots has happened in the first 31 days of the new year.

i was preggers 

(que smiles, excitement and 

a sharp uptick in semi obsessive what's happening today baby websites )

i was not preggers 

(que depressing music, ER visits, cookies and lots and lots of tv)

my evil co-worker quit 

(que applause, high fives and non toxic work environment)

i am now doing the work of three people 

(que days spent eating lunch at my desk or not eating at all)

i was still preggers but not really preggers 

(que the confusion, que the methotrexate...que the emotions and the cramps and the mouth sores

....que feeling like a failure and feeling this whole preggers process has just really really sucked)

i found out that in the next three months i am going to 

florida, south africa (yeah, you read that right), chicago, riviera maya, 

puerta vallarta and montreal 

(que bikinis, planes, malaria shots and safaris,
exotic foods and even more exotic animals
and places and things i probably couldn't have done had i been preggers

que the start of a smile)

bad things happen....
and when they do
people feed us that cough, cough bullshit line that la-la-la
everything happens for a reason 

and then perhaps something actually happens...

and no matter what it is we go all reflective, quasi contemplative. 

we pump it up, we throw glitter on it, 

we talk about it and we dramatize it until it has become

..... that reason. 

and just like that,

 ah ha!...our failure, our loss, our hurt is vindicated!!

but somewhere deep inside...
we know that's really bullshit too.  

we really just wanted the other thing, the thing that didn't happen.  

the thing that didn't work out ...

but when faced with the alternative
what can ya do but throw on your travelin shoes
and say...

it all happens for a reason

xoxo - m

true blood

all this vampire fever has me wondering,

are they real?

while i can't be proof positive about the blood sucking kind,

i am 100% sure the emotional kind exist.

how do i know this?

i work with one.

my co worker...

definately shooting for evil.

here's an average morning:

me, bright,smiley and appropriately shine-y (?): 

"good morning nameless colleague (nc), how was your evening?"

to which nc, not bothering to look in my direction

responds:

 "i hate it when you're in before me, it throws off my whole day"

or this exchange:

nc:  

"i don't really like what you posted on our social media site" 

me, trying my hardest to be super accomidating in the face of

such wonderful and positive energy:

 "grrrrreat, so i'm more than happy to put something up 

you would like.  suggestions?"

nc:

"no suggestions, just not what you put up."

i could go on....

 about how she got our boss fired.

prefers to sit in total darkness.

insists on some 007 computer cover

so no one can see what shes "working on"

mumbles to herself
sucks coffee, water, soup anything....through a straw

or how she doesn't like....well, anyone

but all that i can handle...really
it's the total pessimism, the total negativity,
the stone cold bitchiness i can't abide.

i have been troubled by this
i have taken this personally
i have tried to win her over

tonight, i am done with vampires
(with a small exception for bill and edward)
tonight i say

some people just like being miserable

i'm just glad i'm not one of them
~m

feelings found here